Monday, October 30, 2006

deep red peace

We had a lovely time, a couple of vineyards, a terrific massage, and some delicious food and drink. Altogether too short..but I am grateful for what it was.

It's always such a blessing to take a moment apart, and then come crashing back like a horse to the stable, for even in the short break I missed M, and with it the knowledge that I can never really go back to who I am, because my heart walks around beside me now, and I need it to breathe.

I toasted you with a 2002 merlot (I've never quite mustered up the capacity to enjoy the earthiness of cab) and thought again of how fortunate I am to have this still new and shiny place where we can gather.

I am toying with the idea of a freeflowing poetry roundtable - where we'd each write a line (in the comments) that flows from the previous, and after 24 hours call it good and I'll post our creation.

Let me know if you might be game. Because if so, game on.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

You know I am down for whatever kind of funky happenin's are going on ovah here....

so glad you are rejuvenated!

Ma Titwonky said...

Missed your Gasbag Roundtable post.

Penny said...

...and with it the knowledge that I can never really go back to who I am, because my heart walks around beside me now, and I need it to breathe.


I almost wrote in my last comment, on your last post, that I was curious to see if this is the conclusion that you'd come to, but in the off-chance it wasn't, I didn't write it and so I can't (and wouldn't any way) say I-told-you-so, but I will congratulate you on getting away and subsequently coming to clearer terms about who you are becoming more and more each day.

You are not just a Mom in part or at times or as a role, but Mom is a spirit that will continue to pervade every entity that resides in you and every action you will ever do from now until the end of time and it's wonderful, isn't it, when you can get away to rejuvinate, and find that at the end of this regeneration what you've rejuvinated is your need to come back home.

I've never felt like that on any other vacation during any other work in my life.

Happy that you had a good time and that you were happy to come home.

Momish said...

Oh, Jen, it is good to hear you in such higher spirits! I know your decision was hard, but really, it is just a decision regarding one small leg in a long and wonderous journey. I call them my "for now" choices. And, if the for now turns into for ever, then so be it. But, now changes with every moment as well.

Having a child really does put a whole new twist on that age old saying, "I was beside myself..."

P.S. Not much of a poet, but I can eek out a sentence with a little prompting and help. Consider me in, even if Mad Libs are more on par with my skill set.

Joker The Lurcher said...

so glad you are rested and refreshed! i'm up for the poetry idea, although i'm not very poetic when all's said and done!

Loralee Choate said...

MMM...Massage...oh that sounds so divine right this very moment.

Sigh.

I am afraid I am a wine wuss. Soft Chinan Blanc is the only wine I have consumed that hasn't gotten the "Tom Hanks eating caviar in 'Big'" reaction from me.

Blush.

Anonymous said...

Oh, good for you!! I hope you feel a tad bit recharged and revamped.
I say, GAME ON! Let's go with it!

acumamakiki said...

Sounds like a rejuvenating retreat. I know what you mean about your heart walking beside you now, it's an interesting realization isn't it, when you find you can't go back (or even want to) to who you were. I had a similar realization on Sunday although mine was cloaked in anxiety, unfortunately.

KC said...

I love your title to this post. It really captures the richness of your experience-I think of a velvety smoothness, a silky retreat. Sounds healing.

I love the idea of a poetry roundtable too, like a patchwork quilt of words. Count me in.

Lucia said...

This sounds so wonderful that I want to slip out for a vacation right now. I agree with KC...title is lovely, and glad you drank a merlot to all of us!

meno said...

Sound like a good time. I would love to look at the results of a cooperative poem, but can't really participate as poetry isn't in my skill set.

J Fife said...

The realization that I'll never be who I once was knotted my guts and blurred my thoughts. At times, it still does, but mostly now, I find that the scenery on this path is filled with beauty that my former self would never have noticed.

I'm game for the poetry. I'm no poet, but I do know a few versions of "There once was a Man from Nantucket"...

Penny said...

I really like the poetry idea, too.

Thailand Gal said...

Your trip sounds wonderful.. and yes, there does come a point where there is something bigger than ourselves ~ and it makes us grow and change. Having M. in your life, such a young being who depends on you, must feel heavy at times.. and something tells me her little spirit will be just fine with an occasional break.

The poetry idea sounds great. Not sure if I can do it since my poetry truly, truly sucks! LOL

In case this goes through funny (I'm no longer allowed to leave comments on non-beta blogs apparently... the stupidity never fails to amaze me)... it is just me, Thailand Gal.

Anonymous said...

Really glad you enjoyed yourself up in the Napa area.

A roundtable could be entertaining. But will it rhyme? heh heh

Mrs. Chicky said...

"because my heart walks around beside me now, and I need it to breathe."

Yes! Lovely.

As for poetry, I don't know if you want me involved as I'm more fond of the drunken barroom limerick myself.

ECR said...

Of course I'm game!

Nancy said...

I am so glad to hear that you are rejuvenated.

I'm game for the poetry round table -- though even as a former English major poetry was never my strong suit. Still, it sounds like great fun!

penelopeto said...

i'm totally into the poetry roundtable.

glad you guys had fun with the vino.

crazymumma said...

Ahhhh, wine, if only we could all sit around together and drink of the grape. I am glad you and J got some time. As much as we adore our little ones, we need to find ourselves, our adult relationships as well....because when we return to the parent role, I think it makes us more appreciative of what the universe has granted us.

Attila The Mom said...

I'm so glad you got a little relaxation time! :-)