Monday, October 16, 2006

pardon me while i pick myself up off the floor

I don't know what I expected, if anything, when I started blogging. I knew I needed an outlet, and I knew I wanted to find my voice in a different way. Once I got started, I was intrigued and inspired by so many other writers, and then, as time passed, a small community began to form. And it was very good.

But I truly had no idea that I would ever be the recipient of such amazing kindness, compassion, and brilliance. I stand awed and humbled by the beauty of your words and support. I know now that this is what I truly was looking for: A place to test the waters, to explore and reclaim bits of self, and to move proudly forward. Your presence has allowed that to happen. And it is very, very good.

Thank you doesn't come close. But thank you anyways.

That said, I took my words and post to J-Dog yesterday. He had heard the story before, but was unaware of how it was manifesting itself now in regards to the raising of M. And true to form, he spoke from a different angle and made perfect sense, so I wanted to bring that back to you.

He reminded me of a story about the Dalai Lama. He was asked his opinion on a topic and freely offered it. He was asked the same question again a few weeks later, and had an different answer. When he was called on it, he said something to the effect of "That was my answer then, and this is my answer now. It is different because I am different. I am not the same person I was then".

Hello. Exactly. I am not the same person I was back then either, and of course, in the now, I can have different answers, and better yet, I get to feel differently about it. I. get. to.

I realize how simple that sounds, but it shook me up and spun me around.

We all have the power to change how we let things affect us. And for me, something about this started right here with all of you. And all of that makes me want to kick some ass.

15 comments:

acumamakiki said...

hurray! it's true isn't it? that we do have the power and ability to think differently about events and happenings in our lives and change it. not change that it's happened, but change how it resonates. it's very cool.

Joker The Lurcher said...

absolutely spot on.

my sister says we live life to a script. for a lot of our lives we copy the script of our parents lives, making the same mistakes and thinking we are inventing it all anew.

then at some point we start to write our own script. we perfect it and hone it and hold it up to the light. we try new ideas to see if they work.

we throw out our parents' cliches and write something new and vibrant. and boy does that feel good.

Lucia said...

Thanks for sharing of yourself and that quote from the Dalai Lama. I too am astounded at the outpouring of caring from virtual strangers that occurs in blogland.

Momish said...

It's great to hear you so in charge of your thoughts and emotions over such a disturbing and troubling time. The outpouring of caring doesn't surprise me since you have touched so many people with your words here on this blog! Of course it would come pouring back to you.
P.S. The Dalai Lama quote is great (very existentialist, I might add!)

Anonymous said...

That is very true. For all of us. All the time!

Thanks for that!

flutter said...

That's a girl! Isn't it amazing how we complicate such simple things?

Hulai said...

Honey I am so glad you are here! Its great to have a community of support isnt it?? I started my blog out of a need to release tension, after a nasty break up! I built my community of soul brothers/sisters! They always showed me support and love with out ever meeting them! Keep writing! We love to hear your voice!

Anonymous said...

GOOD FOR YOU!!! I thought I heard the faint sound of a warrior yell outside tonight.......being on the opposite side of the country & all...I wasn't sure. But now I know.
Good on your J-Dog for putting things in perspective for you. He sounds like good people to me.
As do you.

mad_hatter said...

After reading all your comments from yesterday's post, I am struck by how many of the commenting women have been victims of some sort of sexual abuse. I would be willing to bet too that more women who read that post have had such experiences than spoke.

You are right, you/others may have been terrorized, victimized, or not believed in the past but we can all take on agency to not let ourselves internalize it and continue feeling victimized.

Argh, I don't know if what I am wanting to say is coming out right. Damn bed-time beer interfering with my thoughts.

Suffice to say, I am thrilled with the notion of the Dali Lama playing a part in your reclaiming yourself as a warrior. M will be proud.

crazymumma said...

Now that's what I'm talkin' about!
You can't hold a good warrior mum down. M is going to emulate you, and J Dog of course. He sounds like a wise man.

Now go kick ass girl!

Anonymous said...

This morning my meditation was -

I will know that the best way to prepare for any moment in the future is to be fully conscious in the present.

I thought of you right away. Kudos to J-Dog. Sometimes we just need gentle guidance from the right person. Keep posting -I love to visit.

Deezee said...

love the Dalai Lama tale and am so glad you feel supported through your blog.

I believe writing with authenticity and honesty lures people in; you've gotten back what you've given out...

Her Bad Mother said...

(Standing up)

(Bringing hands together)

(Slowly)

(Slowly)

(Faster)

(FASTER)

(FURIOUS APPLAUSE)

YES. DITTO.

ewe are here said...

I was actually thinking about something quite similar the other day. I am the same, yet, at the same time, I am different. I see this most clearly in my approach to life's current challenges: I know I'm approaching the challenges differently than I would have, say, ten years ago...and that's a good thing.

Suse said...

Beautiful.

Thank you for somehow finding my blog and commenting so I could come here and find you!