Friday, December 01, 2006

push-pull

Let me qualify the below by saying I KNOW how incredibly blessed I am. I know how easy my life is compared to so many others in the world. I have a roof. I have food. I KNOW. I am whining. I KNOW.

But damn, if some days aren't hard. Yesterday was hard.

Between M and the balance we need to work two full time jobs while only allowing her to spend part time in day care combined with laundry and figuring out what to eat and making an attempt to clean the house and being completely wrecked by my insanely high energy child who is into every single thing at every single minute like tonight when she ate a fairly large piece of paper and then cackled and hid under the table while chewing and swallowing....

while balancing a cell phone on one shoulder while I change a diaper while in conference call with important people discussing important problems and using my little finger to mute the phone every time M squeals so they don't catch on that I am not paying attention when I should be paying attention....

when I stop on the corner to give a panhandler my card and he tells me to go fuck myself, and I say if I could, I'd certainly be doing that instead of trying to talk to him, and while that cracked the facade briefly, it wasn't enough to convince him because he's stayed at one of the shelters at my agency and will never go back because we are assholes who don't care about the homeless....(ouch, brother)

while racing to read enough baby books and do bathtime and get her to bed on time so she can get enough sleep so we can start all over again....and then instead of doing something good for myself like god forbid exercise I fling myself in exhaustion on the couch..

i should perhaps join the circus. maybe they need another juggler. because god knows, if nothing else, I am a damn fine juggler.

And jugglers wear cute tights. And someone else puts their makeup on for them, right?

But clowns scare me.

27 comments:

Penny said...

LOL!! Perfectly written post! Immerses the reader into your day, descriptive yet concise, witty and not whiney. I loved this piece. I'm not usually a critic anyway, but I like to let you know when I really like something, if it matters.. and this was awesome. You are a really good writer, Jen. Do you think you'll do something with this gift in the future?

I would love to have heard your street corner conversation.

You must have some thick skin, Jen. lol!

Anonymous said...

a)clowns ARE scary. To quote Carrie Bradshaw, "there's nothing scarier than a clown." and b)thank you for keepin' it real. You don't know what it means to come here this mid-morning & read this. Not to say that your pain is my gain. But that I can relate. I can appreciate. And that makes this typing thing a little more real in my mind. At the risk of making myself sound scary....
I just always enjoy what you have to say. So, thank you.

Anonymous said...

Ugh! Clowns.

*shudders*

crazymumma said...

Clowns totally mess me up. But I would still love you.
Some days can really get to you ya know? My hat is off to working parents, because we really do not know how we would have done this without me home full time (that comes with its own private hell as well). Maybe this weekend you can get a little rest. Funny post tho', sounds like a fun family. Under the table eating paper and laughing...scamp!

Lillithmother said...

Amen to that sister...A-freaking-men!

Deezee said...

when I stop on the corner to give a panhandler my card and he tells me to go fuck myself, and I say if I could, I'd certainly be doing that instead of trying to talk to him

how much did I laugh! and this is just great writing and great expressing and great self knowledge.

and while we enjoy and lay amazing foundations in our child's early years, it's damn hard and exhausting with 90% of the nurturing going out and only wee bits sneaking in.

and it gets easier - and in my case - even more fun, and permission to whine is essential, for otherwise all that whining congeals in our bodies, angry with being ignored.

so think of it that way...in whining, you're just fulfilling an obligation to purge so that you can make room for the joy to sneak in and take a seat and relax. phew.

Anonymous said...

I laughed myself silly at the "if I could, I'd certainly be doing that instead of trying to talk to him". Good comeback! Yeah.. it is understandable why you would have felt pressured and stressed. That's too damned much!

Peace

~Chani

Mary P. said...

Who doesn't feel that way, some days?

Anonymous said...

Yep, life some days can be a swirling cloud of craziness. What, no high wire act? (I know you're good at keeping your balance.)

acumamakiki said...

clowns scare the shit out of me, sister.
it is way too much sometimes although you seem to be doing a great job. whine away girl, it's fucking hard to be all that we are/expected to be and wine always helps. (=

i'm making myself exercise again and trying to fit that in is a joke, but i'm trying. for the sake of my ass, i'm trying.

meno said...

Whine away. Your life may be easier than many, but it's still hard. Kids are exhausting. And when you are used to having lots of time to yourself, it's hard to give it up.
Great answer to the homeless guy. I am stealing it to use at the next opportunity.

Anonymous said...

If I could whine while being so good-humoured, caring and absolutely lovable, I'd have cracked the secret code. You are so great, no wonder we all love you.

It's not juggling, it's spinning plates.

Anonymous said...

We must be part of the same troupe. I'm juggling, I'm spinning and wishing the damn clowns would stay away...

Anonymous said...

Now THAT is a fine example of the joys. Yup. That would be them right there. Are you feeling the joy?

Anonymous said...

This is my life exactly. Except my job is meaningless... but the juggling thing, that's me. Sigh. Then I wake up and do it again! Good thing we can keep a sense of humor :)

Anonymous said...

You're not whining. You're venting, and you're entitled. Life's not a competition; just because some 'have it worse' doesn't mean you're not allowed to vent and grumble about your own life when it's wearing you out.

I hope you manage to find some time to catch your breath this weekend.
:-)

Anonymous said...

I'm late, but I just wanted to affirm your right to vent, ask if I can join your circus as the contortionist, but only if we are a sexy,burlesque -style,traveling circus and we end up somewhere with a beach?? It sounds like M will eventually be the sword swallower...er, nevermind.

KC said...

Jen, I feel like this on so many days.

High-energy child, not enough hours in the day, cramming work days, rushing home to spend family time together, outside commitments, things going wrong. It's exhausting. And there's no real catch-up time to recharge.

Exercising?! Didn't you notice the treadmill we're running on?

Girl con Queso said...

I completely agree about the clowns. Ever since that burning clown Fantasy Island episode I saw around age 10. And yes. Jugglers do get to wear fun tights, and sequins. And cool hats. I should know. I'm a juggler too.

And this line...if I could, I'd certainly be doing that instead of trying to talk to him...my favorite I've read today.

Keep the balls in the air, sistah.

penelopeto said...

just don't light those pins on fire, and you should be fine ;)

isn't figuring out what to make for dinner the worst? i always think that i am a creative person - until it's time to cook.

you da mom! said...

i like how you preface your post with "i know i'm blessed." lol, it's okay to have a rough day and bitch about it!

Lisa said...

THis wasn't whiney at all. Wow. I don't know how you are getting all of that done. You must be some kind of superwoman! No wonder you throw yourself on the couch in exhaustion if you have a minute to yourself!

Lisa said...

I love the name of your other blog. Now you've got me singing that song by Alanis... The only way out is through....

Anonymous said...

superb! been there, done that!

especially the changing a nappy while on the phone. i used to run a lawyer's practice from home and had to try to sound like a hardass lawyer who would crush the other lawyers to goo while changing nappies at the same time. i think what was hard wasn't the physical business of not dropping the phone in the poo but having the soft mummy person and the nasty lawyer person in the same room. nowadays i have a drive home to swap skins...

why ever would you need exercise after all that? the couch is the only place to be (with a large glass of red wine and a bar of chocloate). book a massage or something for a treat.

keep you chin up jen - we need you to keep writing about all our lives when we are too busy/wrecked/stressed to do it ourselves!

flutter said...

I would rather eat my own eye than look at a clown.

metro mama said...

Figuring out what to make for dinner? A Herculean task sometimes. This is hard stuff.

Momish said...

A well written rant, if I may say so. Bravo for being so raw and real while making light of the heavy situations. Blessings are sometimes easy to overlook when your mind and body are racing in every directions just trying to keep up. I get it. I get you!