secret superhero powers

A friend of mine from work (whom I adore and spend a lot of time with) has long believed that everyone has a secret superhero power. One attribute that makes them unique from the others. He notices that secret something, and will arbitrarily share that information with you - and whether you agree or not, that's still your secret superhero power.

Months ago he proclaimed my secret superhero power to be the speed at which I can get in and out of the bathroom. I mean, he's right - I'm quick. I don't dawdle or lipstick or look around. I am in and out and it's done (yes, I wash my hands - I know that's what you were thinking) but to him it's extraordinarily speedy, and has been a source of stupid bemusement to our group of mates. I never knew this sort of thing might be conversational fodder, but homeless hacks are weird like that.

We had a challenging conference call yesterday. Dealing with the feds is never easy, and when you've screwed something up - well, let's just say I'd rather be telling jokes to the dead, only because I am sure they'd muster up more emotion than any of these cats do.

My goal in these sorts of meetings is to take full responsibility while also explaining how bureacratic decisions made by folks who've NEVER SEEN a homeless person are not always, well, RIGHT or SENSIBLE. But I try and do it with a small dose of humor, a larger dose of self-depreciation, and of course, great respect along the way. It's tough when we are having to let them know we've blown it, but for some reason I can't leave it alone and also need to point out how it was a senseless objective in the first place.

And I fantasize in my head about asking the feds to come down from their tower, spend a day working at one of our shelters, and then come back and tell me if what they decided on a hill somewhere really made sense. I already know that answer. But that's a bit too insubordinate, and they've got a division that not only carries weapons, but can actually imprison you.

Not that I haven't daydreamed about being a political prisoner for the right cause, but since I have a kid now I've had to let that one go. Although I did almost get arrested once for contempt of court - I was at court with a client who was extremely mentally ill and they were going to imprison him rather than find decent treatment, and I stood up and spoke harshly to the judge, who asked me if I indeed would like to arrested for contempt. I actually thought it over for a few moments - I mean, what the hell, right, it was bullshit, but in the end I chickened out and apologized and was then asked to leave. I still kind of regret my lack of courage and conviction in that moment. But I digress - so let's get back to the story.

Anyways, somehow I was able to crack the veneer and the Head Fed jumped in and said that he understood what I was saying, that he appreciated my forthrightness, and would actually take our dilemma back to the head wizard and see if there was leeway (there is generally never any leeway). So we ended the call and my team felt rather victorious, which is not a feeling we ever associate with the feds.

At which point my friend turned to me and said that my real secret superhero power was that I communicate in a way that makes folks really want to believe in me. The weight of that is heavier and more complicated than rapid fire bathroom behavior, but for some reason, I like my new secret superhero power better.

So, my lovely sisters and brothers - what is YOUR secret superhero power?