Wednesday, March 07, 2007

ouch

Since becoming a mother I have noticed an acute sensitivity to anything involving anybody's children. Tragedies are magnified, sorrows cut and wound.

But sometimes I am just left thinking: What?
Really?

Like when I read this article about an abortion lawsuit.

All I can think of is how this whole thing will make her child feel. Or about how she feels already. Am I overreacting?

I trust you to tell me the truth.

35 comments:

slouching mom said...

This is going to sound harsh, very harsh:

But with a mother like that, how the girl feels about the lawsuit may be just one of a long list of bad and sad feelings she will have.

So yes, I think I'm saying that I agree with you.

Momish said...

I would worry about this child, to put it mildly. I honestly think everyone I know would consider the baby a miracle child and an unforseen blessing. But, it might just be the company I keep (thankfully!)

metro mama said...

Unbelievable. That poor child.

radioactive girl said...

I can't comment on this because I would always welcome another child so I have no idea what it would be like to not want one you are pregnant with. It is sad all around, especially if the woman doesn't really want to be a mom. Maybe someone should tell her she could give her child to someone who wants the child and won't see it as a financial problem.

kristen said...

This is sad all around and I just wonder what type of relationship can be salvaged from that. This is only my opinion so I hope no one gets pist, but I would think the right thing to do would be put the child up for adoption and then, if the woman wanted to seek $$ for damages to herself, that's another story. I just don't see how much good can come from this story, especially if the woman doesn't win. It's really sad.

Thailand Gal said...

Apparently, the genius had never heard of adoption.

I can't imagine how she will justify this to her child which ultimately she will have to do. Nothing she ever says about "loving" her child will be consistent with this action. Even if she presents a logical argument to her daughter, that will warp the kid in its own way.

She needs to let someone else raise that child.


Peace,

~Ch

NotSoSage said...

Oh, my heart goes out to that little girl. I was thinking exactly what kirsten said...

Julie Pippert said...

Well...I've got nothing nice, probably due to a current situation that drives me to a huge prejudice.

I don't know.

It's tragic, I'll say that.

I think Slouching Mom has a point.

When you are the child of parents who don't really want you because they just aren't in a place personally to parent, you develop pretty solid defenses and coping mechanisms. Sometimes these are productive, sometimes they are destructive.

But I'm pretty sure by the time the child is old enough to comprehend this, either she and her moher will have made peace and are doing well (my hope) or it will come as no surprise and fit into a pattern she has already learned to defend against.

I know adoption can be hard, and I NEVER mean to downplay the difficulty in choosing to adopt your child to another family, but too many times I'm left wondering why a person opted to raise the child. This is one.

And sometimes I wonder about money as a motivator. Like Dannielynn Smith.

If this woman's lawsuit fails...then what? What about the child?

Difficult.

mamatulip said...

I saw something about this on Blogging Baby earlier this afternoon. I skimmed the article but this story falls into the category of Stories I Cannot Read Because They Upset Me Too Much.

Yeah, coming from a former journalist, I know it sounds stupid. But I just can't. The first thing I thought of was how difficult it would be for this child to know she (it was a girl, if I'm not mistaken...) was the product of a botched abortion. I find it to be very upsetting.

meno said...

I hope she gives the baby up for adoption, today.

I think Planned Parenthood needs to accept some blame here, but there are people who long for a baby to adopt.

crazymumma said...

how monumentally tragic and sad. and yes the child will most likely have hideous issues. so sad.

Oh, and sort of sorry for the psuedo obnoxious comment below in your last post...I just luv ya so darn much gal....

Laurie said...

I agree with you completely! How sad that this will be her legacy in life. I can't imagine what this will do to her in the long run. How terribly sad.

Oh, The Joys said...

It just makes me sad. All kids deserve to be born into a situation where they are wanted and loved. It's just not true for so many and it breaks my heart.

flutter said...

I don't think you are overreacting. I just wonder though, if she is so pissed about this wrongful birth thing (god that just kills my heart). Why not place the child for adoption? No need to ruin her life.

People, sometimes...

jen said...

i love all of your points (and crazy mum, i totally love you)

what's stuck with me all day is that this child will be KNOWN for not being wanted, and the embarrassment/shame of having her mom sue others to care for her - when, if indeed, i endured a botched abortion and ended up deciding to keep the baby instead of adoption, i'd want to do everything NOT to be pissed off and resentful about it.

so i just keep thinking about the little girl.

scribbit said...

I couldn't believe it. Not at all. Not that she would actually bring such a ridiculous suit (hasn't she heard of adoption?) or that someone would actually address her outrageous claim.

And in the end all that's left is a poor unwanted child. Why doesn't she give it up for adoption???

Mrs. Chicken said...

This breaks my heart. All I want to do is go get that child. Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad.

Or that I will be driven completely mad by the world.

Denguy said...

What is this woman, a friggin' robot? Has she no feelings?
Honestly, you USAers* will sue over anything!

*Sorry for the generalization, y'all.

flutter said...

You know, the more I thought about this, I thought about not having biological children. I think there are too many out there who need someone like me to love them.

I just want to go steal her.

Emily said...

does anyone want a mother who wishes they hadn't been born? I can't think of any kids I know...I believe in the resiliency of kids, but yep, this seems wrong.

christina said...

although this story is sad I don't agree with DENGUY. I think that she is suing because of a botched abortion. that is a plausible reason. I mean she went for an abortion. She payed for an abortion. And she didn't receive one. she should get her money back, maybe not the entire costs of raising a child but I do this she has a good case. Do I think this woman is heartles to put a child through that? Yes.. Do I think she has a point? Yes.

For the record.. how do you not know that you are pregnant after twenty weeks. how do you not know you are pregnant after you get an abortion but, you are still growing amongst all the other symptoms of pregnancy?

kgirl said...

that's horseshit.

Mayberry said...

So very, very sad. I don't think you're overreacting.

Bob said...

I can only hope the child is too young to remember this, or at least to understand.

Tabba said...

You're certainly not overreacting and as I was reading this I instantly thought to myself: What kind of "messages" is the mother sending to this child already? What kind of emotional neglect is this child suffering through?

I certainly hate to make judgements regarding women's health decisions and the like. But something about this made my blood boil and my stomach turn.
If finances are that much of an issue and the woman really not wanting to raise a child for that reason, I wonder why adoption was not considered.
Instead, sue whoever you can and drag this little girl through emotional hell and back.
Wise choice.

Now do you want me to tell you how I really feel ;)

Rachel Briggs said...

she doesn't deserve her. How very, very sad.

Her Bad Mother said...

What slouching mom said - the lawsuit is likely the least of this child's concerns. Sadly.

Heartbreaking. Tragically so. All the more so in light of what the Barron family has just gone through.

Caren said...

On first reading, I thought the same as most posters here... but then I thought - we have no idea how the mom feels now. It may be that the child, originally unwanted, is now VERY wanted, and the mom needs some financial help. We have no way of knowing.

QT said...

The first thing that came to my mind was - who the hell are these doctors??? How could two of them fail to detect a pregnancy?

I agree with most of the others - hopefully this child can be passed on to someone who wants her and will love her for what she is - a miracle.

Kyla said...

That was exactly what I thought. Not only will she know that her mother tried to abort her twice, but then her mother also pursued a lawsuit because she was stuck with her against her will. It seems like maybe the only reason she chose not to put the child up for adoption is to try and make this money. It is a sad situation for the baby either way.

Penny said...

I just wrote a huge response and lost it.. I'll be back.

Deezee said...

Having come out of the journalism world, my one caveat is that I need to know more here. The mother could be completely insane and only damaging her child, and on the other hand, she may now be saying, "I didn't want this child initially, but once I saw her, I loved her with all my heart. I just never could afford to be in this situation and the doctors owe me to help pay for her care."

(It's still weird, and I could be being weirdly optimistic. I'm always baffled by stories of women not realizing they're pregnant. At the same time, thinking you've had an abortion and then delivering a child could make any woman go crazy...)

Pgoodness said...

Stories like this make me glad I was given up for adoption. I have no idea what my birth parents went through (tho I'm pretty sure it wasn't a botched abortion), but they made the right choice for them and me.
Maybe she does want the child more than anything now, but I doubt it. Every state has some sort of assistance program to help raise a child if it's needed (don't they?), so suing for the money to raise her is absurd. Suing for the money back on the abortion? Fine (a little late though, isn't it?).
I feel for the little girl. Isn't life hard enough without feeling unwanted at such a young age? Or any age, for that matter.

carrie said...

I don't think I really care at all how the woman feels for her child *now*, she's already done enough damage.

If she needs financial help, there are other ways (although, I hope PP paid for her failed "procedure" for that falls on their shoulders, undeniably).

If she changed her mind, I hope she has the sense to keep it to herself (but obviously it is too late for that, so why am I even mentioning it?).

If she lived next door to me, I'd so kidnap that kid.

So sad.

But, who am I to judge, I just hope the little girl is okay.

Carrie

luckyzmom said...

I wonder why she waited 27 months to file this lawsuit. The article didn't say anything about her not wanting this child now, just money.

And I would need to know more facts. It is possible that there were twins or that she got pregnant right after the procedure and delivered early??????