the why behind the words

Julie asked me why I blog. The reasons I blog now might be slightly different than the reasons I started. Or maybe not. Let's see where this goes.

I started blogging last May. A few months earlier I had noticed the blog phenomenon and began as a reader. No commenting or writing, just checking it out.

And then as I read I kept thinking that I had some things of my own to say. I found myself moved by some of what I was reading while simultaneously realizing my own valley had become a desert. I felt foggy, dried up, vast. So I started writing. No one read what I wrote for months. I remember when I got my first comment and was completely freaked out. You mean people are reading this? I hadn't thought that one through.

And then slowly I started finding you while some of you started finding me and that caused the whole thing to stand on it's head.

Community. I had no idea you existed.

I don't consider myself a writer. I can think of many others who have the gift, the way to turn a phrase. A vocabulary and a penchant for the craft. That's not me. I know full well I use too many commas. But I like commas, and that's just the way it's going to be. I almost never research a post, or spend time writing, re-writing or editing. I simply sit down and spill. It shows, I know. The lack of the craft. But that's ok. I don't think that is the muscle I am trying to exercise. Putting my soul to paper, yes. The craft or art behind that, not so much. I am okay with that. I leave that to BubandPie, to you, Julie, to Sage and Deezee.

I have a hard time being funny in my posts. Believe it or not, in real life, people think I'm funny. I don't think that comes across here, although that would be interesting to hear from you if it does. Either way is fine, but I don't think so. At least not in the way KC or Jess or Chick or Shannon are funny. But again, that's okay. I can be funny in real life.

I don't consider myself overly creative. I don't use many pictures or artwork. Again, I leave that to others. To Sin, to Kiki. They create with images, their pictures. I love that.

So as I continue to narrow the path I will say that I blog because I have something to say about our society, about pain and suffering and the beauty that rides alongside it. About my family and how I fit or how I sometimes do not. About things that move me and things that make me stand still. Flutter and Neen come to mind here. Many more. The thinking bloggers I linked a few days ago, too.

I blog because I believe our collective voices can make a difference. That sitting around the fire with so many of you can teach me many things. That there are places I can go and learn, or laugh or be inspired. Where I can go to fall down or stand in the cheering section.

The community is what makes this what it is for me. That is very different from the number of comments or readers, links or views. It's the face behind the makeup that I crave. The way the waitress sits at the end of the night with shoes off and sore feet taking a drag of her cigarette and telling me the truth. I learn how to mother from Meno, or how Mama Tulip reminds me my own mom is still alive and there is still work I need to do. Elder wisdom, whether the woman is my age or older - I can learn just by reading your words. Chani, Mad, Bad, Crazymum and Z. are just a few of you who do that for me.

Simply put, if everyone packed up and left I am not sure I'd stay. I don't know what that means, but I think I am okay with that too. Without knowing it I was looking for community. And I've found it, and I am blessed.

When I started writing this post I didn't realize I'd be doing so much linking, and now feel a bit self-conscious about it because there are many more voices and words I love and the above isn't representative of all that's in my heart and mind. But I am going to leave it, because as I wrote your voices popped into my head, and I think the way my process unfolded answers the question, Julie, as to why I blog, better than anything else I could say. It's the village.

Thank you for being my village.

Speaking of village, it's time for our third Just Post Roundtable. If you have a post of yours or one you've appreciated that was written by someone else, please send them my way (to girlplustwo (at) yahoo(dot) com) by March 8th.

We'll link all posts and anyone who refers one (or more) in our Just Post Roundtable on the 10th. If this is new to you, please feel free to check it out here. Our posts will be featured in the newly redesigned and refocused The Whole Mom webzine, which is pretty freaking money.