Friday, February 15, 2008

the simultaneous destruction of the english language and young minds

There's a routine I go through most days when dropping of M. She's got a mini-posse, the same few friends are faithful most days. Each morning when we show up they run up screeching M's mommy, M's mommy!! and they all prance around and show me their outfits. I'm not sure how it's come to this but it's the only time in my life where fashion advice is sought so I rather enjoy it. They like me, these wee peeps and as such they show off, shoes here, bracelet there look at me look at me and I oooh and aaah and call them lovelies and babies and dudes.

The other day in the midst of our routine the fire alarm starts going off. The teachers look at me it's just a drill but you can't leave they say and cornered, I follow suit. I'm arbitrarily assigned three little ones along with M and we start the toddler journey to the special fire drill location across the complex. It's clear there is no fire and this is just practice but regardless I'm a hostage in the madness but M's happy because I'm along for the ride.

While it's all well and good I'm also a bit annoyed because this is making me really late and the teachers are clearly using it to their advantage by tossing random children my way. So I'm hanging with the little people and after a dozen long minutes of nothing I mutter I'm in the third vortex of the dark side of hell not really realizing I was speaking out loud. So one of my temporary charges says vortex? what's a vortex? and another says dark side of hell, what's that, what's that?

Nice. Fearing the wrath of a dozen preschool parents I say well you know, it's my way of saying I have to go. So one of them starts yelling M's mommy has a vortex, M's mommy has a vortex, I want a vortex too! and I'm mostly pleased they've forgotten about the dark side of hell.

Finally we've been given the green light, the long journey back to the room commences. I get to the door and say dudes, this has been rocking but I gotta bounce and my little cohort starts bouncing, literally bouncing their way back to their class. Bounce, they say I gotta bounce!

38 comments:

thailandchani said...

the third vortex of hell. I'm going to have to remember that one! :)

Kids are so literal ... bouncing.

Blog Antagonist said...

I wish I had the energy to bounce.

kristen said...

when i'm in a dream state, i always have spring-loaded feet. bouncing is good.

i'm not surprised the little dudettes love you.

Binky said...

That's hilarious. There must've been some confused parents wondering about their children's new phraseology after school that day. But I can't blame them for wanting a vortex just like yours.

Beck said...

My kids had a bouncing contest yesterday while I lounged on the couch, utterly exhausted. Where does all that manic energy GO?

Gwen said...

LOL. You're like the Pied Piper of Hamelin. Make sure you use your power for good from now on, okay?

hele said...

Huge happy smile*

Suz said...

That's just awesome.

And, dude, I want a vortex now, too.

Omaha Mama said...

I want a vortex!

nyjlm said...

that's just hilariously adorable. Thank goodness they are cute like that.

Amy Y said...

Hehe ~ oops :)

Andrea said...

This made me laugh hard.

At work, too. For shame.

I have a child who just bounces. That's what she does. I sit on the couch and stare--it's like just by bouncing she drains the energy right out of me.

Julie Pippert said...

LOL!

That's rockin!

I firmly believe you should arm children with their own cool.

Patience has reinstituted the use of "rad" at my direction---oh but it must be oblique. Never direct. ;)

Magpie said...

You're one rockin' mama! Utterly charming story.

mamatulip said...

Niiiiiiiice.

Dude.

the end of motherhood said...

A little edge never hurt a preschooler...

Defiantmuse said...

I do that too.
forget to censor my words
or think I'm saying it in my head but, er, I'm not.
then I'm thankful that Monkey isn't talking yet (unless babababa, mamamama, dadadada, nananana is actually "talking").
until her first words are "ah, fuck".

Velma said...

Little people rock, don't they?

I really enjoy all those little people rituals, like when I pick the kids up at the bus stop now and one says, "Home again, home again..." and the other answers, "Jiggetty jig!" That's the kind of stuff that makes your day.

Mad Hatter said...

I believe that all little girls need to know their v-words: vulva, vagina, vortex... Besides, yesterday was V-Day. I can just see the break-out hit 18 years from now: The Vortex Monologues.

Janet said...

The Vortex Monologues.

Mad is funny.

Are you the coolest mom ever? I think, perhaps, you are. I'm going to start using 'I gotta bounce.'

flutter said...

That is so freakin funny

painted maypole said...

dude, you are their idol, just like you're mine.

gotta bounce.

QT said...

I can just see you muttering to yourself, too....:)

meno said...

That's nicer than some of the things i have muttered out loud in front of small children. :)

Kyla said...

They are going to go home and work it into their pretend play. "I'm bouncing through the vortex on the dark side of hell, Mom! Wheeeee!"

marymurtz said...

Oh, I LOVED this!!! You are the world's coolest mama.

Wayfarer Scientista said...

I love this too..and dude, you do have a vortex...but it's not anywhere near hell :)

Wayfarer Scientista said...

I love this too..and dude, you do have a vortex...but it's not anywhere near hell :)

Lawyer Mama said...

That is so friggin' adorable. I love the small people. I want a vortex too!

Jocelyn said...

My greatest compliment has just been paid: I read this out loud to my husband.

There is no greater flattery.

Bon said...

dude, you are SUCH a bad influence. :)

patches said...

I had a slip not too long ago and accidentally taught my nephew the sign for asshole. Whoops! Unlike the dark side of hell, he didn't forget.

Sounds like a cool posse to have.

Aliki2006 said...

That kind of thing happens to me a lot, too--such posses are really wonderful things to have!

Redneck Mommy said...

I'd have paid big money to see the look on your face when they asked what the dark side of hell was.

heh heh.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Can I have a vortex too? I bet you can bounce in it.

crazymumma said...

and that night at the dinner table from M's cohorts:

yo mama yo papa, I gotta go bounce ya know like into the vortex like M's dudelike mama told me to.

yo. ya know.

mitzh said...

Children are so funny and so adorable.

Susanne said...

Great story.