After 7 years of ruling the United States with a shady and well-oiled fist, the Entire Bush Administration spontaneously combusted on Friday. White House cleaning personnel all appeared to have been spared and cameras caught several of them wandering outside the rubble of what was formerly known as 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. It came out of nowhere, the saute cook from the downstairs kitchen said, We heard cackling laughter and the words "Game over, you Greedy War Mongering Bastards!" and all of a sudden I was standing in a pile of rubble. But then I found six weeks severance in my pocket so I'm going to Disneyland!
The international community quickly denounced the combustion but shortly thereafter all 194 remaining countries went on record jointly stating karma is a bitch. The hastily assembled interim office includes such notables as Aung San Suu Kyi, Jeffrey Sachs, The Dalai Lama, Ralph Nader, Bono and Nelson Mandela and will remain in place to assist the new President after the November election.
A vigil on the former White House lawn is planned for 7pm EST tonight but authorities are concerned the vigil will be poorly attended due to an estimated 300 million people dancing in the streets, a spontaneous nationwide celebration that started six minutes after the news broke and is showing no signs of stopping. Shopkeepers report being out of beer and champagne in every major metro area in the nation.
In other news, Donald Rumsfield, while not technically a current member of the Bush Adminstration, has also been reported missing. Dust and ashes were found in his apartment bathroom hours ago. No word yet if his disappearance is related to the spontaneous combustion but authorities remain hopeful.
Happily contributing to this week's Monday Mission and clearly a joke, lest you Patriot Act Freakos decide to get all Guantanamo on me. Oh, and it's not quite an obituary, is it?! I'm a Monday Mission rookie.