Tuesday, March 04, 2008

bitter and sweet

This past weekend a neighbor kid was a total bastard to M. He said some horribly cruel things to her, her precious naivete and trusting wide open heart shattered while I watched. And I wanted to kick his four year old ass. (Which doesn't say a lot for me, or perhaps it does and none of it good). I'm still upset over it even though she's long forgotten it (or has she, dammit you bastard neighbor kid). I just can't believe cruel starts this young.

But on the good side it's Just Post time so please send me writings on social issues big or small, yours or anothers and we'll include them in our monthly roundtable on the 10th. If this is new to you, clickety click on one of the purple and white buttons on your right or email me at girlplustwoATyahooDOTcom. Join us. It's cruelty free and safer than most playgrounds.

30 comments:

Gina said...

That's the hardest part of parenthood. My oldest is 11 and believe me - it doesn't get any easier. I have wanted to punch many an asshole kid in the face over the years.

Gina said...

That's the hardest part of parenthood. My oldest is 11 and believe me - it doesn't get any easier. I have wanted to punch many an asshole kid in the face over the years.

alejna said...

Four freakin' years old? Ugh. It frightens me how young the meanness can start. What is it about some people? Where does the cruelty come from? And where were that little ...child's... parents/guardians?

I'll be looking forward to the Just Posts, though.

thailandchani said...

I'm afraid I'd be with you on that one. The Buddhist card would be left at home and I'd want to verbally assault the little creep until he went running to his mommy.

And hopefully my good senses would prevail before I did it.

meno said...

It says good things about you, mama tiger.

Janet said...

I have wanted to kick many a kid-sized ass over the years, when it was my kids in M's shoes.

What does that say about me?

liv said...

when my precious D explained to me that one boy "O" would only be his friend if "A" were not at school in the head position of best friend, it broke my heart.

and then i wanted to go choke those 5 year old alleged montessorians who should be loving each other and being peace and shit.

damn.

wheelsonthebus said...

Whatever it says about you, the same goes for me. I have been there.

Beck said...

Yeah, I think we've all been there.
One time I phoned another mom whose slightly older kid was picking on The Girl and was just about to tear into her for raising such a little shit when the mom burst into tears, telling me that her husband had just left and that the kid had been having SO much troubles since he left. Oof, that set me back a bit.

Amy Y said...

That lil shit! Poor M :(
I'd have had a hard time holding back... I don't do well in those situations.

Joker The Lurcher said...

i've had so much of that with my son - he's pretty good at sticking up for himself now but in the past he came in for a fair share of cruelty.

i always say something to the kid who's doing it, along the lines of 'that isn't a very kind way to speak to someone' while wanting to be much more blunt, but knowing it would backfire.

Karen Forest said...

Two months ago I would have been on the "Imagine what his home life is like" bandwagon.

I have found that the minute that you think, "my child would never do (insert offense here)" is precisely the moment that your child, or rather, my child does.

I have strived from day one to teach kindness and equality and patience and all of that good stuff...both by example and by words. However, in the last few months, a friend of mine found my own Miss L being hateful to her daughter. You know the drill, the "I'm not your friend because I am so and so's friend" or the "mine is better than yours" crap. And that is what it is: CRAP! I heard it when I was younger and I am horrified that my four year old is exhibiting it now.

I was embarrassed and upset and mostly, disappointed that I had not taught her better. I felt like I failed, and to be honest, sometimes I still feel this way. However, a friend of mine who is a veteran to this raising children debacle, told me that it happens.... they are kids, four year old kids at that, and sometimes they say and do things along the way that make you want to hide under a rock, but in the end they are trying to find their own way.

I am sure she is right, but in the meantime......I just keep talking, and praying and showing her that kindness, fairness and compassion are the qualities that she wants to cling to and carry throughout her life.

In the meantime, I will just keep banging my head against this wall.

kristen said...

yeah, i was blown away by that one. i thought it would have started much later.

Kyla said...

I'm sorry for M's poor heart. I hate that the meanness starts so young.

mamatulip said...

((((((M))))))

flutter said...

If you'd like to maintain your seat upon the council of good moral standing, I will gladly handle the little shit bastard for you :)

carrie said...

And so, it begins.

Sometimes I wish our kids could just live in a happy little bubble, because this stuff hurts so much (I think it hurts the mom more than the child though). In the end, know that each experience, good or bad, shapes our children and hopefully gives them strength.

Even if it hurts us like hell.

Jennifer said...

I have no patience for little bastard kids. I know I should love them anyway, because they are just kids and yes, mine could be doing the same thing down the line (please, no), but still. I hate how mean kids can be, sometimes.

Blog Antagonist said...

Unfortunately, kids learn that it's eat or be eaten pretty quickly. It's easy to villify a mean kid, and yes, I've had my share of those moments where I wanted to wallop some mean little bastard. But honestly, as a couple of others have said, it's a kid thing. It's survival. It's putting yourself at the top of the food chain.

My kids are generally good, kind, compassionate kids. But I've caught them things I would never imagine they would say.

I always let them know how disappointed I am and when applicable, issue an apology. It's a learning process. You gotta go with it.

Still, knowing all that, it stinks when your kid is on the receiving end.

pgoodness said...

my kid(s) being sad? WORST.THING. EVER.

canwekickthebarhere said...

Oh M!!! That sucks and I don't blame you one bit, sister.

painted maypole said...

you wanted to defend your child, but you held back from physical violence. i think you did pretty good, mama.

and i can't help but think that that little boy LEARNED that somewhere.

Angela said...

I am so very sorry that happened to Miss M, it shatters your heart when your child feels cruelty and pain, and the loss of innocence is almost more than you can endure. With you as her Mommy, she will always know that she has a safe place to come to when life and people are cruel, I know that's small comfort and may be trite, but it's so much more than most children have.

jen said...

For what it's worth - this kid has an excellent mom. She's really terrific. It sort of makes it worse, the helplessness of managing cruelty in the world.

Anjali said...

I'm sorry for M. And I haven't had to witness such cruelty toward my own kids (yet), but I fear the day I do.

Wayfarer Scientista said...

I think it says you are a momma. Momma's are always fierce in the defense of their young. Sorry to hear about it!

KC said...

If it makes you feel better, I'll kick the little bugger for you.

crazymumma said...

Children can be brutal. My heart breaks daily for my girls and the hurts of others. There is always a child crying in the schoolyard.

crazymumma said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ally said...

We've all been there, friend, and it stinks. I've also surprised myself with the intensity of my anger toward other children who are mean to my children. That Mama Bear thing, I guess. But I'll tell you something worse: I've witnessed my children being mean (bordering on cruel) to other children. I've always been able to put a stop to it quickly and to reinstate peace and justice, but seriously, it does make one wonder about the human condition.