Saturday, May 03, 2008

running to stand still

I blog to create a record for M. I blog for community, and I find it's the kind of community that seems real and tangible and also distant and far away. In real life I am busy, really busy. I am a mother and a partner and I am in charge of a bunch of things at work. I wake up early and I start running, running to get out the door and drop off M, run my whole day long inside shelters and the walls of bureacracy and the simple heartbreaking reality of our humanity and then I run back to get her, rush to spend the few hours loving and feeding and bathing and reading and cleaning and then I fall into exhausted sleep, only to wake up and repeat it again. Blogging, for better and for worse has become a sanctuary, one I visit and one where I linger. One that takes me from other things and uses the bits of energy I've got left. The upside perhaps is I fill it with this and not with TV. But still. And then there are the Just Posts and MOMocrats and the occasional review and once a year, hell, even a party. And then, wow, I said yes to speaking at Blogher, on a panel about using our voices for good. How could I pass that up, a chance to talk about the Just Posts, our little Roundtable that I love so much.

I said yes to all of this and yet it's a pressure, to keep the balls flying here and in the rest of my life where the balls weigh even more. I do this somehow unconsciously and I see it and somehow I choose to let it ride. So then this is my refuge, a place to sit and knock on some doors and see how you are, sometimes doing a good job and sometimes not so much. And it's part of who I am, this running and yet very soon we'll be changing our whole lives and the stillness or the better said differentness will confront me and I will wonder, I do wonder what that will then mean in terms of who I think I am.

Bookmark and Share

24 comments:

Amanda said...

You are a connector, beyond the legacy you create in M and the love you make with your partner, you pop into the blogging realm and you connect so very many pieces and people. You diminish the distance and ignorance and multiply your legacy. I think of you and feel a blessing upon the world in which I live.

Sizzle said...

I hope I can sit in and listen to the panel you are on at BlogHer.

:)

Janet said...

I can't help but wonder, when the big change comes, will you still be out here? I'll miss your grace and wisdom terribly if you're not.

flutter said...

I think you will find that there is more of "you" when you don't have as many balls in the air.

When you can just be.

Omaha Mama said...

Big change?
Oh, I've missed something I think.

meno said...

They couldn't have picked a better person to speak on this subject.

Amy Y said...

Still curious about the big change and enjoying your company for as long as I have it.

Selfishly, I'm glad this is your refuge!

KC said...

Juggling. It's manic and we can't do it all all the time, but thank god for your voice here.

And I'm so excited about the adventures ahead and being witness to the magic.

Family Adventure said...

I say go for it...I can't wait to hear more!

Heidi

TEOM said...

I, too, am curious to know how you will see yourself you slow down. Here's hoping you'll blog about it.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Congratulations on speaking at Blogher. Now I'm really sorry I won't be there!

Kyla said...

Just don't leave us, love. ;)

I am so stoked to hear you at Blogher...it just better not be opposite of Flutter, then I'll have to clone myself, because I'm not missing EITHER of you. LOL.

carrie said...

You'll do what you do, wherever that is. You'll always be you - and whoever is there to listen, in whatever form it may be - a jungle, a beach, a table, a pub or over the wide, wide, interweb - you'll have listeners.

I'm so excited for you.

kristen said...

the saturday speaking is a conundrum with my ticket purchases for the weekend, i think in my drunken haze last night i even talked about that.

sorry i only call when i'm three sheets, that will change.

i have no doubt that your voice here will be even richer, once the race of your world has slowed. in fact, i can't wait to read what you're writing from there.

ms chica said...

Change is just a euphemism for growth.

Congratulations on speaking at Blogher. I would totally listen to your panel over one featuring Amy Sedaris.

mamatulip said...

Congratulations, Jen.

Bon said...

...and so she woke up, woke up from where she was, lyin' still, said i gotta do something 'bout where we're going...

funny the title you chose. the song started to play in my head, like a record from another life, and i realized this is what you're saying all the time, to us and about life, your own and the bigger collective we. and i value it.

and when the differentness comes i suspect you'll be saying similar things but from the different place, through different eyes and maybe ones that get to rest a bit, get to dig deeper into the things they are so good at seeing.

canwekickthebarhere said...

Congrats on the speaking gig - I can't imagine a better choice than you. And If I know you at all, there will be something you will find after the big change that you can champion and grow. If I know you at all...:)

painted maypole said...

differentness often does point out a bit more honestly who we TRULY are.

and you are SPEAKING at Blogher? as if I didn't want to go enough already!!!!

Magpie said...

You slay me. And I understand the "blog as refuge" completely.

Eileen said...

You are are the perfect choice for speaking at Bloher, 100% perfect. Congratulations! I wish I could be there.
I understand about balance and trying to juggle the balls. I seem to drop them all the time, especially when life throws in some really heavy ones. I do see blogging as a refuge, and I will try to do everything in my power to keep it that way. The people I have met through blogging are some of the kindest, most giving people I know.
Take care of yourself and have a good week.
XOXO

Christine said...

sometimes if you let those balls just fall to the ground they don't crash, they land quietly and then everything is still.

Julie Pippert said...

Nothing but total understanding here.

Anjali said...

Beautifully said. Now I'm REALLY bummed about not going to Blogher.