Sunday, July 27, 2008

three going on thirteen

The girl's got a mouth on her. A few gems from the last few days:

Me warning her not to fall warrants a: it's my life and i can do what i want! That one's rich, child. I can almost picture you stomping out of the house with a bag of coke and some loser boyfriend in tow.
Me asking her to stop kicking me in the head while laying together on the couch: I don't love you when you are mean, I only love you when you are nice! Ouch, kid. Now get off my head.
Me telling her to get her sweet ass into a time out for similar above behavior: No! You can't make me! What, a challenge? I love a challenge. Two time outs! Four!
Me asking her not to stand up in the tub: Stop telling me what to do! Only I know what to do!
Sweet. You can drive your happy ass to the ER on your trike later too. And I'm totally not forking over a princess band-aid either.

I'm in serious, serious trouble. If I didn't find it hilarious even more so.


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34 comments:

carrie said...

Oh hey! I've got one of those too!

I'm just hoping that with the approaching '5' a few months from now, thing will begin to look better!

sam said...

Ah, can't wait. My 3 year old only pushes me and says: "No thank you Mommy!"

Hey, at least he's polite about it.

TZT said...

Oh yeah. The other day I moved from sitting on the floor to the couch and my three-year-old didn't like it: "No mommy, I want you to sit over there."

Me: "I've been sitting there a long time. My butt hurts."

Him: "I want your butt to hurt over there. Now!"

I take solace in remembering my own, sometimes unbearable sense of entitlement when I was a kid. Gee, I could really use that now...

Pgoodness said...

LOL.
"You can drive your happy ass to the ER on your trike later too. And I'm totally not forking over a princess band-aid either. "

freaking fantastic!!

slouching mom said...

jen, jen. i have no doubt that you can handle her. (2 time-outs! 4!)

you're gonna do just fine, babe.

kristen said...

i wonder if that purple dress carried vapors of fresh when it traveled from here to there.

dude, i thought i had until 3rd grade (not three) to be having these types of exchanges.

you should hear what i hear with a seven year old...blistering i tell you. blistering.

Deezee said...

speechless over here...and laughing.

Hetha said...

Your responses are stellar my friend. I am dreading the age 3! At least my guy is nonverbal :-)

Amy Y said...

Ahhh, 3.
Don't worry, 4 will be here before you know it! And with it comes a whole new set of challenges but at least you'll be through with some of this er, sweet talk. ;)

Janet said...

Yes, we have a buttload of snark around here lately, too. M. sounds like a worthy opponent. Better carb-load: you're going to need to energy boost. :)

Mrs. Schmitty said...

Oh Yea, I've got one of those too. I think our girls could be BFFs. Though we'd be in for REAL trouble then.

Beck said...

Ha! She and The Baby should hang out - they could be saucy and in time out TOGETHER.

Kyla said...

The other day KayTar was playing with something she wasn't supposed to have, hiding it in front of my computer chair, and I said, "KayTar. what are you doing?" and she screamed "NO! DON'T SAY IT. DON'T TALK TO ME! GO AWAY. I'M JUST HIDING IT BY YOUR CHAIR!" She hasn't mastered the art of sneakiness quite yet.

She's not quite as articulate as M yet, but the sentiment is totally there.

kgirl said...

fucking awesome. my kid is the same. sometimes she'll just look at me after i've told her to do something and just yell 'SHHHH!' at me.

three. it will be the death of me. but i'll die laughing.

Mrs. Chicken said...

*snort*

The Poo told me the other day, after an epic battle of wills over brushing her hair, "Mommy, you wear me OUT!"

Oy.

Good thing we live so far apart, or M and The Poo would be sneaking out for gin n' juice together.

meno said...

Always keep that wondrous sense of humor. You will need it!

flutter said...

Dude. you are so screwed. I think it will become less funny when she is older, although right this second it is pretty hilarious. If you want to get rid of her for a little while you can always send her to auntie flutter's house.

We make children scrub toilets for their meals!! mwahahaha

cynematic said...

Ah yes. Yep. I hear you.

Every so often the Unreliable Narrator and I will have to have the "Who's the Boss of Who?" talk. As in, yes, you are the boss of you. But. There are these things called "consequences"....

I.e., I need you to boss yourself BETTER. Because your consequences are kicking me in the head. :)

QT said...

Oooh, boy. Don't worry - a visit from Mean Auntie Neen seems to work wonders on the fresh. Just ask kristin...:)

Defiantmuse said...

good lord. is this what I have to look forward to? Can't I just fast-forward to..oooh, I dunno...4? 5?

Oh, The Joys said...

Your house, my house?

same same.

bgirl said...

damn. too damn funny.

Ally said...

Oh, this is so familiar. "Mama you are being so annoying,! my eldest said to me yesterday. And then I realized that I was. Doh!

patches said...

It's going to be a long fifteen years. Of course, it is supposed to be.

Magpie said...

Yup. Though we are all about the "hello kitty" bandaids over here...

Omaha Mama said...

I thought from three to four would be a positive change to a calmer child. It wasn't, not really. My B then learned to eye roll and say "whatever!". They say that parents don't get a handbook when they have kids, but do the kids get one? They're all doing the same stuff, and apparently saying the same things.

Mrs. Chicky said...

We should get her and Chicky together. They can have their own slapstick act. And I don't mean strictly comedy.

painted maypole said...

tell that kid if she doesn't shape up you'll drag her behind our to the jungle, and see how she likes that!

Oh, wait...

Gina said...

Mine is just like her. All drama, all attitude. And then when her brother whines about something, she tells him, "It's not all about YOU!"

Amanda said...

Dude, would that someone had told me the age at which pre-pubescent nastiness truly arrives.

liv said...

hee hee!

i'm in the land of the great stomping two year old, and the "this is what a nice mom would do..." world of an almost 6 year old.

b*babbler said...

I absolutely expect this when Peanut starts talking. I have the fear - seriously, THE FEAR. She already knows how to do the cut eye...

We're doomed, aren't we?

Expatriate Chef said...

Right there with you. I did, however, get a big hug Sunday night with the explanation, "I'm going to hug you because sometimes I get timeouts."

I nearly cried.

Wayfarer Scientista said...

laugh, my 3 year old nephew has lately been telling everyone that he's sixteen.