Friday, September 12, 2008

if i could save time in a bottle

She's four now, she likes to tell me. Stop growing, I say. No! she says. Her laughter bellows out in front of her. I can't do that mama, I'm growing bigger and bigger. But I can't hold you the same and my arms don't know what to do, I say but I'm smiling. I tell her I love her so much, this child, my heart. I love you too, she says. But I'm still getting bigger! She pats me on the head and runs from the room.

Later though, in the quiet of bathtime and gentle splashing I hear her, Daddy, she says, Mommy doesn't want me to grow. Oh baby, she does. She just misses your babyness too. I know, Daddy. I'm going to stay with her forever. And I lean against the wall in our tiny hall, my head resting against cool plaster. Do that, I think. Let's just do that.

In other news, she and I managed to co-review a cool new game this week, come by and see for yourself.


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14 comments:

Sober Briquette said...

Lorenzo had a huge growth spurt last month, & he's outgrowing my lap. He'll have to hold on monkey-like, like his sister, if he wants the carrying to last.

At six, she's the size of a lot of eight and nine year olds, and I look at other children her age who are so much easier to baby and cuddle, and I feel a bit sorry for her. It's hard, the constant reminders that she doesn't know her own strength.

Beck said...

Aw. They do get bigger and bigger without our permission, don't they?

Mad said...

For all that the incessant carrying of my child has broken my back, I now wonder daily when the day will come that she will no longer allow me to pick her up. It can't really end so soon, can it?

Mayberry said...

My son told me that he is "only a SMALL big boy" (this in regard to the wearing of diapers. but still).

flutter said...

she is so friggin adorable

mamatulip said...

I often find myself asking - no, begging - my children to stop getting so big. Sometimes those pleas stay inside of my head and other times, they do not.

marymurtz said...

These are bittersweet and magic moments, and you are right to savor them.

patches said...

i love the soft lighter than air quality these post have.

meno said...

I can tell you this as an absolute fact, she will never get so big that your arms won't fit around her and she's too big for your lap. Never.

crazymumma said...

Girl baby? You, I mean. the writer of this blog, not your not so baby M.

Just you wait until she hurls herself towards you, laughing aloud as she knocks you flat with how big and strong she is.

Then, she may give you a brief kiss and go on to breathlessly talk about the sleepover she is having tomorrow night. And you might say, where did my little little one go? And she will laugh again and ask if she can stay all through the next day as well.

The growing is so bittersweet I find.

Madge said...

mine are six and ten. six and ten!!!! i don't like it. and yet i love it. bittersweet. always bittersweet.

painted maypole said...

i often tell MQ to stop growing. my MIL wouldn't let her children have caffeine, saying it would stunt their growth, so I always say that I should start feeding her lots of caffeine to keep her small(ish) forever.

bgirl said...

we want them to stay young, they wonder when they will grow up.

ahhhhhh. if you find that the bottle works, share your secret with me!

Amanda said...

May I swear?

Shit. This journey is so fraught with excruciating suffering and spirit lifting fulfillment that it is almost unbearable. Almost. What a blessing to have that kind of yearning. You have her, had her and will have her, and despite the potency of the moment, your entire being reaches for more.

What a beautiful life, my friend.