Friday, October 31, 2008

the ongoing evolution of our southern migration

Plans as plans go are often made for modification. When I first shared about our upcoming adventure we thought we'd be gone by now, heading south to the jungle through the friendly skies. Since I wrote that last post there have been 3 major developments.

1. We weren't able to leave when we thought we would. We are now leaving in late January. At least it's a real date this time, an honest to god this is when we are leaving date. It's equal parts terror and exhilaration.

2. We've had to rethink how we'll get there. When J was down earlier this month it became abundantly clear that buying a car there was going to be much more expensive and quite a bit riskier than doing it in the states so we decided to buy a car here and drive down. Believe it or not it's only a 5-6 day trip. Two borders and the possible shenanigans of customs officials not withstanding.

We aren't yet sure who will do the actual driving, whether J and I will drive or if J will go with a friend and M and I will fly down after he gets there. Something about three countries and a four year old makes that particular part of the equation unappealing, but it's contradicted by the notion of wandering down the entire length of Mexico by car, a journey I've long fantasized about making.

3. The recent flooding. Our delay actually turned out to be a saving grace, the house we rented was flooded and the family who rented it to us is in even worse shape so they need to use the rental for a while until they can repair the damage at their place. If anything, we'd have been in the way over the past few weeks. Everyone seems to think that by January things will be better but it's still hard to say. Sometimes this causes me great anxiety, it seemed adventurous enough without compiling it with a natural disaster but at the same time we've come too far to turn around now. Life is what you make it after all.

But it's settling in now, our belongings continue to shrink and we continue to loosen the ties that bind. It feels truly as if we are teetering on a precipice, we have no real idea what we are getting ourselves into and no real clue as to how we'll make it work over the long term. This tends to cause me anxiety while I strive to balance it with the desire to try.

About four years ago I was talking about this very dream to my yoga teacher, a goddess of a spiritual guru, and she said something that's always stuck with me It's one door at a time, child. You only get to walk through one door at a time. So as I reflect on the past four years of doors and how they've opened I can't help but think this gets to the heart of it, the not knowing is the journey and also my awakening, my refusal to cross the threshold is both my choice and my limitation, and fear is the only obstacle because nothing, not even vast amounts of unexpected water have caused one to slam in our face so far.

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20 comments:

Ali said...

That was a great post.

You are doing a very scary but totally amazing thing.

ewe are here said...

January. Wow.

I think a long leisurely drive sounds lovely, too... but maybe it only sounds great until I remember the wee ones.

Gwen said...

Plans are good.

And so is flexibility.

You'll need equal measures of both for jungle living. But I know you'll find the balance.

marymurtz said...

Your journey is something I keep thinking about---I'm envious of you and yet relieved that it isn't me. Mostly, I'm just excited to keep learning more about what you are experiencing; just as much with the preparation as I will be when you finally go.

Denguy said...

I like to see the route you must drive for this journey.

cce said...

I think you're so brave to even consider crossing that threshold. So many of us want to be bold, to make broad gestures in our lives and only make the same, small, feeble attempts that end up failing.

Also, to quote the movie Dan in Real Life, the only thing you can really plan on is being surprised and if you're okay with that then life seems all the more palatable.

Magpie said...

Fascinating to read these posts of your journey. I am somewhat awestruck.

(You quit your job yet?)

Amy Y said...

I think the road trip down is going to be a blast! I hope you take lots of pictures to help us live vicariously through you :)

flutter said...

I just could not be happier or more proud of you

Oh, The Joys said...

It's nice to read so much hope in your post...

xo,
J

Kyla said...

It kicks ass that you're doing this.

And yeah, the not knowing is definitely the journey. I think I want to steal that as the tagline for my blog. Ha!

Karen said...

I am sure when the day finally arrives for you to leave you will know exactly what to do. And if you don't then you will have a very good plan B ready.

Little Monkies said...

Thought of you when I saw this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bh9BmNuqeiQ

XOX,

LM

Ally said...

You are so right, Jen, about the journey and what you're learning. I am just so inspired by what you're doing. I'm excited to hear more about your adventures as you continue to plan and live!

QT said...

If you weren't anxious, I would wonder if you are human. The beauty of this is that the three of you are going to experience this as a family and I think that is what is so touching and inspiring.

Dorothy said...

Be safe, be careful and use good judgement. Ask someone who has traveled that area the what if question..

Blessings and a safe and successful journey. Looking forward to hearing more.

Dorothy from grammology
www.grammology.com

painted maypole said...

wow!

Maggie, Dammit said...

One door at a time. I love that.

I would really love to meet you one day.

carrie said...

One door at a time, one step at a time. It't the only way to live, my friend.

patches said...

I wish I benefited from hearing about the one door at a time philosophy, of course it's always possible I heard it and didn't listen.