Saturday, January 24, 2009

going

Tonight we locked the door for the last time on the only house I've ever mothered in, the only place my child knows, the place where we lived and laughed and cried and slept for the past five years and drove off into the rainy night with all of our earthly belongings in the back of the car.

It's on, this thing. We've tied up loose ends and sold all our stuff and said our goodbyes and had one last beer. Our friends were fantastic, so many folks came by and took a plate or a book or a microwave or even our half eaten food. Between them and seven trips to goodwill we somehow managed to make it all work an hour before our deadline came due. We three drove on into the night until we couldn't stand it any longer and stopped in a roadside motel, almost uncaring what the room looks like as long as it's cheap. I cried as we left town, the finality of our journey both calming and unsettling, a girl can only take so much leaving until she falls to her knees to and from grace.

My child, she sleeps and we sit talking aimlessly, exhausted. Spent from the goodbyes, from the community we are leaving, from the journey we are embarking, the unknowing is exhilarating and disconcerting all at once. We'll spend a few weeks in So Cal and then head further south, crossing borders and customs and will watch everything we know fly out the window behind us, hopefully freeing up space in our souls so we can drink the new in.

The officiality of today hasn't left me, there is no turning back and thankfully I don't want to, at least not yet. I ache from my ankles to my skull, eight hours of packing and repacking can do that to a girl and yet it's a good kind of ache, the one that says we've worked hard to get to here and everything so far has fallen blessedly into place.

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34 comments:

flutter said...

Oh, babe. the excitement in you is beautiful

Bianka said...

I haven't ever written but I have always read. Best wishes for your travels!

If you need a place to stay while you are in Southern California, please come. Our daughter would love a new playmate!

alejna said...

Wow. The time has come.

Have a wonderful journey. I'll be thinking of you.

Pgoodness said...

WOW. I just can't believe you're finally doing it. I am so excited to be along on this journey with you!

Safe travels...enjoy every moment.

deezee said...

Would love to meet up face to face when you pass through my hood.I can offer good food, a cute dog, and nice views. :)

I'm excited for you. I know how huge this is and feels. Be proud. You're grabbing on to life.

Cecilieaux said...

Did you see me waving bye?

Z said...

The best of good fortune to you all.

Amy Y said...

I'm SO excited for you! I can't wait to hear more...
Happy Trails to you... until we meet again :)

Defiantmuse said...

you're all in my thoughts.
I'm going to give you a call soon.
xo

Indigo Virgo said...

godspeed

Magpie said...

Travel safely, friend. And write as often as you can!

marymurtz said...

Sending up good thoughts for your journey! I am so looking forward to vicariously sharing in your adventure.

I hope you didn't get rid of those crazy awesome shoes!

Take tons of pictures and just think of what an incredible gift you are giving to your daughter and yourselves.

TZT said...

That's so exciting! Safe travels!

Kyla said...

Wow. Here you go.

Janet said...

Safe journey, friend.

ms chica said...

I know that ache. And the promise of a new adventure is incomparable.

Oh, The Joys said...

and so it begins...

Love to you and yours. Wishing you the best of times.

Much love,
J

KC said...

Be safe, honey. Can't wait to hear everything. xoxo

Amber said...

I'm reading along, enraptured. Best wishes on your journey. :-)

Mad said...

Godspeed, Jen, and keep us posted as often as you are able.

Bethany/Her Grace said...

I know I've not been commenting lately, but I'm reading, babe, I'm reading. Living vicariously through you and this incredible journey you're on.

Godspeed. Can't wait to see where it takes you all.

ewe are here said...

You and yours are going to Live, yes with the capital.

Have a wonderful journey.

Anjali said...

Safe travels, my friend.

kgirl said...

wow, wow, wow. travel safe.

Blog Antagonist said...

Godspeed, dear Jen. The world awaits you. Lucky world. :?)

Mrs. Chicken said...

Safe travels and bon voyage. You will be amazing. Amazing!

WhyMommy said...

Be safe and live strong. I know you will.

Expatriate Chef said...

Take care. Hope you will still post?

Bon said...

drive safe...and you know that the actually going is the hardest. being gone is always being somewhere. :)

listen to To Live is to Fly (Townes Van Zandt, awesome Cowboy Junkies cover) if you need a pick me up.

love.

Ally said...

Safe travels to you and your family, Jen. I look forward to hearing from you when you're on the other side.

Little Monkies said...

Traveling mercies, my friend.

mamatulip said...

Wow, Jen.

Wow.

Safe travels, friend.

QT said...

Ooooh. I wish I knew exactly how you felt.

Safe travels, sister!

Amy said...

Safe travels and I can't wait to be hear your continuing story. It is wonderful to be able to do what you're doing.