Friday, January 16, 2009

my last waltz

I've been saying so many goodbyes this week. Today is my final day in the most important work I've ever done and that I've ever loved, where for more than a decade I've had the pleasure of exercising my passion every single day. The place where I cut my teeth, where I stumbled, I cried and I laughed and where I finally learned to fly.

Saying I'm emotional is an understatement at best. While I knew this day was coming, I had no idea how hard it would be, to look those I love in the eye and hug them one last time. To hear one last story of hope, one last walk across the floor, one last time through the line. To hear words from those who mean so much, of remembrances, of hope, of sadness and loss.

Tomorrow brings uncertainty. A colossal move, a journey across the miles and straight inside my heart. But today I grieve for what I am leaving. My first home, my first acceptance, my first fight. I will never forget.

I will carry your stories with me forever. All of the nights and cold and heat and huddled masses, I will carry you with me wherever I go. And I am so very richly blessed for being a small part of something so magical for so long. I've walked with heroes.

I will still see you, nameless in the streets, I will see you and I will learn your names.

I've walked with heroes.

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32 comments:

ewe are here said...

I wish you joy in your new life. You deserve it. And the new friends and family you are going to find along the way are lucky to be getting you and yours.

Be safe.

alejna said...

I was choked up just reading this. I can only imagine how you must be feeling this last day.

I know I've said it before, but you really have moved and inspired me in your writings about your work.

I look forward to learning about your new adventure. Just please keep writing.

Anjali said...

By telling such beautiful stories about the wonderful work you do, I'll miss your job as well.

But I'm looking forward to everything else your life will bring you.

Gina said...

I hope that this new chapter of your life brings you all the happiness you deserve. I have loved reading all your stories about your job and life, and I hope to still be able to read more. Even though we have never met, you have touched my life, and helped me become a stronger advocate of all that I believe in. You're my hero, Jen. Godspeed.

Z said...

It hardly seems possible that it's happening at last. Or maybe I mean already.

luckyzmom said...

May you find all you dreamed of in your new home.

deezee said...

passages, eh? I can imagine the depth of the emotion.

good luck with the move!

marymurtz said...

Wherever you go, wherever you are...you bring peace and light. The world you are moving to will be blessed, and where you have been is better for having you.

I am sad for you that you grieve, but grateful to the universe that you were there to make the difference.

Cecilieaux said...

A perfect coda.

TZT said...

Oh... I can't imagine how tough this week has been. Safe travels, friend.
What a week for beginnings!

Pgoodness said...

I can't imagine how hard this day has been for you. I can't wait to hear of your new adventures in the jungle, though. You have always been an inspiration and I know you always will be - to so many.

Mrs. Chicken said...

Hoping you will take us with you on your new adventure, and knowing you will always be the best version of yourself -- loving, kind, caring, open, and in search of justice -- no matter what your locale.

I have been here all this while, lurking behind the curtain. But I am here, and here I will stay.

Loving you from afar. And wishing you safe travels.

thailandchani said...

I hope you can find some wi-fi somewhere and let us know you are okay. This is a big step... but honestly believe it is one you will value for the rest of your life.



~*

carrie said...

sniff.

Andrea said...

Good luck good luck good luck!

Magpie said...

I'm getting sentimental in my old age, 'cause I'm all almost weepy here.

Good luck, friend. Can't wait to read about the trip and the jungle.

wheelsonthebus said...

when i first started blogging, it was all about me and my story. and then i found a blogger who used this media to promote the very value i lazily called my own. a person who didn't just talk the talk. she made me want to walk the walk.

you will never know how much your example has pushed me to be better.

flutter said...

jen,

you have inspired kindness in me that I didn't think was possible. You are a warrior, a champion a bleeding heart bad-ass with an intellect as big as your compassion.

you are delicate and strong and true and beautiful. Your intensity and your moral compass are impeccable. Breathtaking. I love that you have challenged the way we all think in every. single. thing we do. Even moreso in all of the things we don't do.

Thank you for you. For your soul, your beauty. I love you

Oh, The Joys said...

They will never, not ever, forget you.

crazymumma said...

sweetness.

one day I hope to be hugged by you in huge ways.

your reality truly moved me to be a better person at times.

anyhow. got your number. I loves ya big time. xo Anne

sam {temptingmama} said...

Beautiful post Jen. Absolutely beautiful. I can only imagine how hard this has been for you. You are in my thoughts. You and the heros.

patches said...

It's unfortunate that fir us to pursue some dreams, we must leave others behind. You did great work, Jen. Rock on.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

You've left your mark there. You should be so proud of that.

Omaha Mama said...

A decade is quite a commitment that not many can match in such a career. Make sure that you give yourself a pat on the back and throw any guilt that you may be feeling out the window.

Gwen said...

thanks for the saturday morning cry.

traveling mercies to you and yours, jen.

meno said...

Oh, how they will miss your heart.

Safe travels friend.

mamatulip said...

Oh, Jen.

Have fun. Be well. Live.

Love.
xo

Maggie, Dammit said...

I can't imagine how hard it is to go. The best things are the hardest, they just are.

Kyla said...

Oh jen...sister, friend. Hugs to you, my dear.

Blog Antagonist said...

I think I've said this before, but in case I haven't...you are the bravest person I know. Good luck on your life journey!

painted maypole said...

amazing.

(and I'm behind, and I love that you say in this post that your job is where you learned to fly, and in your next post you write about dreaming of flying. you have to learn how to fly first. it's perfect!)

Maddy said...

You're a bloody hero in my book dearie. So hard to read.
Very best wishes