Thursday, May 14, 2009

doors

I came here naive.

It's not easy to find international work.

All I want to do is work on community development issues, I want to gain experience working internationally, I want to make some sort of small difference. I want to earn a living while J attempts to build our house. I came here full of this intent and after 3 months (granted we had a setback) I am no farther along than I was when I arrived.

The resources see, they don't even come close to filling the need. And I knew this and I know this and yet I am still full of frustration because I can't help but think I could do something about it if only I was given a chance.

I'm whining here and I know it. I want this to work more than anything and in order to do that I need to work either with NGOs in the States or ones here and the US economy is terrible and here, well here is a wild landscape and there is still so much I do not know. But I'm scrappy and I'll work hard, I will and can do this if given a chance.

Five years ago we started this journey and I was told something then that always stuck with me. All you'll get is one door at a time, Jen. You'll have to walk through to see what comes next. And I've walked through all of them sometimes blindly sometimes in good faith and so far so good but this one, this door it seems to be stuck or hiding or I need one pill to make me smaller or one to grow so I can see where it is.



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15 comments:

de said...

I have a feeling the next door looks different than you are expecting it to so you have not recognized it yet.

I am confident you will do what you went there to do.

Gina said...

I hope you find your next door very soon.

hele said...

liza from Ekukhanyeni started her own NGO. have you ever considered doing the same? you are so good at getting people to open their hearts and their minds.

Magpie said...

Your door will come.

Andrea said...

I was going to say what hele did--do you need a salary from an established organization to do the work you're there to do? Can you start something up yourself? See a need, fundraise to fill it?

Jennifer (ponderosa) said...

Easy, Jen, easy. You only just got there. It's not time yet to be frustrated. Every day you learn more, every day you meet more people, every day you're just a bit more comfortable there. Keep walking the path. You'll get where you want to go.

deezee said...

If you had Bill Gates' ear for fifteen minutes, what would you say?

That's my way of asking for specifics, to identify exactly what you would work on in your wildest dreams.

Then we'll send Bill down to vacation with you...

:)

painted maypole said...

maybe you should be looking for a window?

;)

I have faith that you'll find the opening. my guess is it's just going to look different from the other doors you've passed through.

Wayfarer Scientista said...

some doors come only on their own time, when you aren't looking, and some doors need you to go through other doors first. I think you need to give yourself more time woman. It will come. 3 months, interupted, is nothing.

Krysten said...

Ah, the doors... I don't know about you, but I love me some instant gratification *sigh* I'll be sending good vibes your way, and maybe in a year or two I'll be in the same boat (hopefully, kinda..you know..) and someone will send some good ones to me, too. Have you looked into the Nobel Women's Initiative? Luck!!

flutter said...

is there anything you need until a door opens?

krista said...

we all come here naive. you're one step ahead of the game in that you at least recognize that there are doors.
(i'm not sure what game or what the rules are but cliches hold so much truth i can't stay away from them.)

Cold Spaghetti said...

Hang around 'em long enough and they will hire you. Typically, it's easier to get a location-specific international job when you're already there... so hang tight. Convince them they need you. Offer to write grants to fund your own position. Etc., etc... Eventually, the opportunity will open...

Kyla said...

I think you'll find it, babe. It'll show.

Karen said...

my thought is that, if you hadn't gone there naive, you might not have gone at all. And I'm so glad you did go. And I know you will find the work you are looking for.
We do most things naive...most big changes, for example, becoming a parent, moving our from our parent's home...we need that brassy naivete or we'd be frozen in our tracks.