Thursday, May 07, 2009

take me out to the ballgame (and hurt me)

I'm probably hovering at 38,000 feet right now as you read this, or wading through the Houston airport accidentally breathing in swine flu germs or perhaps just perhaps cracking that first jungle beer but I couldn't leave the US of A without sharing a story with you to ponder whilst I'm en route.  So sit back and relax and at the end I'll be asking for your opinion.

J and I are at a Dodger game with two friends.  It's maybe the 4th inning, we are in fairly decent seats (friends with money treated us to the game) and we are enjoying our first beer.  The crowd is raucous, it's obviously that this section has some very dedicated fans who whoop it up every time something good happens.  It's good fun and everyone seems friendly.  We are here at the 4th inning because traffic was so bad (yes LA you have bad traffic you bad city you bad traffic city you) that it took us this long to get here and then to find the beer.  But it's okay because on the way we were listening to New Order and you know, I haven't listened to New Order since I was a wee wisp of a thing, and now I'm old.  So it was quite a reunion me and New Order. But I digress.

Sitting in the stadium on the first base line, I can see the field and the night is clear.  I smell hotdogs and everyone is wearing blue. Directly in front of us is a couple that I might rather generously describe as rednecky.  The dude is affable and loud, the woman seems to be enjoying herself.  They are sitting close but then again we are all sitting close packed into stadium seating. He jumps up and screams every time something good happens for his team which happens a lot.
 
And then it happens. 

All of a sudden and without provocation a peanut shell lands on my hand.

I glance down and see it and a few more shells on the aforementioned affable yet rednecky gentleman in front of me.  Almost unthinkingly I reach down to brush off the shells on his back when all of a sudden his lady friend whirls around (think the chick from Exorcism) and grabs my hand and squeezes it hard.  Hard.  And right before I even make contact with the said shells. As she squeezes it she says Don't you touch him and then lets go of my hand and turns back around.  I see her gentleman friend nudge her but he doesn't look back. J's watching the game and misses the entire thing. 

Needless to say I am speechless. She then proceeds to turn around and glance at me every 12 minutes or so for the rest of the game.  Just in case.  But in case of what? 

Lacking closure and slightly afraid of the crazy chick in front of me I am unable to find resolution and am left to wonder what could have possibly been going through her mind and what would cause a person to react like that.  So I've come to you for help. 

Is it that she:

1. Was terribly insecure and thought I was hitting on her aging rednecky gentleman caller even as I sat with a male friend of my own?
2. Has eyes on the back of her head implanted there by the CIA for purposes of looking over her shoulder to thwart evil at large scale sporting events?
3. Thought the peanut shells added a little sexy something to his ensemble?
4. Thought I was an alien invader looking to suck the blood of a strapping young buck and feared for her very life?
5. Thought I looked like his 2nd ex-wife, the one he can't get over and still calls on Fridays after too many beers?
6. Fill in the blank

Or was I simply wrong for somewhat absentmindedly invading another person's personal space, space that is on short order at a sporting event of this kind?  I realize that is probably the right answer but her response was well over the top for such a minor offense.  

Or was it?

See you on the flip side (from down under and why do they only say that about Australia anyways?).



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27 comments:

Gina said...

I can't even imagine what her problem was. I don't know that I could have refrained from smacking her.

Shania said...

I probably would have taken the hand being squozed and bapped her upside her forehead with it. and told her don't you touch ME in my best Jack Nicholson. But that's just me. You're probably much more normal.

Minnie said...

That's insane. No other words were exchanged?

I'm going with option 1 or 5.

There isn't a sane self-assured woman who would do that.

Amber said...

Maybe there was something else up with him? Like, he hates to be touched and loses it when it happens. Maybe he's mildly autistic or something like that but it wasn't apparent to you. I'm grasping at straws here. :)

Otherwise, I can think of no reason for that level of reaction. Even if you did cross the line, I don't think it was that bad, and it didn't directly involve her.

Safe travels!

deb said...

I had a different reaction. I thought maybe she knew something you didn't, like maybe he freaks out when someone touches his back. She was trying to warn you, but to keep you safe. Still weird though. Have a safe journey.

Mad said...

You see, I thought this story was taking an entirely different turn. I have a friend who had an anaphalictic reaction to peanut shells flying in the breeze at a ball game.

Perhaps the woman brought her nut-allergic man to the game under the pretext of catching a few innings BUT SECRETLY she was planning to murder him with flying peanut shells.

I see a dime store novel in the making...

ms. changes pants while driving said...

maybe he doesn't like being touched on the back... like mary's brother from there's something about mary and his ears. maybe she saved you from being punched in the face, or worse!!

i think she totally saved you. you should send her a card when you have a moment.

yo

deezee said...

did you say, "Just getting rid of flying peanut shells"? maybe she missed the whole thing and thought you simply had straying hands (for what reason, who knows?)

and I wished I'd known you were roughly in my area. I'd have ventured out and bought you guys a beer!

Erratic said...

Maybe she thought you were trying to steal her man with a very elaborate peanut shell ruse? In all reality, she is probably just one of those regulars on Jerry Springer who punches the "other" woman while screaming, "He's my baby's daddy, bitch."

Laura said...

I'm with Mad on this one.

painted maypole said...

she clearly has issues, but I'm going to put them on the "afraid he would catch swine flu" side.

or really. mad's answer is best.

regardless, the issues are hers and not yours, so don't worry about it. ;)

Madge said...

i think it's one. crazy, but yeah,some people are that afraid of losing the one and their world and perception is that skewed that they think it could happen when somenone brushes some peanut shells off their neck....

meno said...

You should have flashed her, or kissed him.

Omaha Mama said...

You strike me as someone who would have to say something to this woman. I am impressed? surprised? that you calmly and quietly pondered this. I would've had to leave (I can't handle conflict) or said SOMETHING. Probably along the lines of a passisve aggressive apology. Something with the intent of making her realize how silly she was being. Which typically backfires and ends up making me look silly.

I'm going with insecurity/power trip. Not sure. There are a certain subsect of rednecky-type people who like to live life on the edge of WWE skit.
Maybe her meds were wearing off.

QT said...

Um. Crazy. She's just batshit crazy. Thats my guess.

Cold Spaghetti said...

Wait. Southern California has rednecks?!

krista said...

well, i am a southern california native and live in la even now. i can say, with authority, that there are some crazy mothereffers up in this joint.
dodger blue! (i'm not even into sports all that much outside the social awesomeness of hot dogs and beer and parties but that is just way too much fun to say)

Sherendipity said...

I like option #2.

bgirl said...

okay lmao in my cubicle at work. i too would've been shocked and sat in bewilderment yet i would've also likely peed my pants had someone grabbed my hand like that. then i'd be in my own personal hell, at a baseball game, smell of hot dogs, sportsfans and wet pants.

Kyla said...

You came through my city? We may have been in the airport at the same time, you know. I'm just back from DC.

flutter said...

I vote for "psycho bitch"

Beck said...

I would file that under "Random Crazy Lady" and put it as much out of my head as I could.

Heidi said...

My instinct is she thought you were hitting on him and she was protecting her territory, but then again maybe he is a mean, awful man with a horrible temper and can't stand when people touch him. Maybe, just maybe she saved your life.
Ahem . . .

Kim said...

WOW!

WoW!

wow!

Incredible, isn't it?

I am with Omaha Mama, I think I would have issued an "apology" with ice dripping off of my words and an insult smack dap in the middle of the ice dripping, sweet words.....

Aaaghhh!

This stuff makes me CRAZY. I would still be riled up days later......

alejna said...

I got no answers. That's just freaky.

jen said...

dudes, you crack me up.

1. he was eating the peanuts, so no allergies.
2. he was very (ahem) touchy feely with her.
3. she scared me. that's why i was afraid to say anything. chick freaked me out.

this was hilarious.

Wacky Mommy said...

heh heh heh heh heh