Thursday, June 18, 2009

dead horses and waffles

Today marks five months to the day that we moved to this rural little village. Our stay was broken up of course by the bizarre medical situation that brought us back temporarily so in truth we've been living here for four months all told but it feels like I should mark the date anyways because it's something to me.

Every day I feel more like I live here and am also reminded that this is not my home. There are so many things that make sense, that feel right, that I am figuring out and many others that make me realize I still and will for a long while not understand how things here are done.

The other day I was driving M to school and we pass a dead horse on the side of the road. Horses run wild here and as anywhere cars and nature don't mix. As I passed it I wondered what happens next, who gets called (is there anyone to call?) and what gets done. As I am driving back from town a bit later I see the same horse but this time there are several tires piled up on it's body and curiouser still, I wonder again. The question is answered a few hours later as I drive past once again and now the horse and the tires are on fire, a great big side of the road fire that makes me want to close my eyes but I cannot. Within a day or so there is nothing to ever mark the horse or the tires or the fire at all. Ashes to ashes, jungle style.

I don't know what to think about this, just like I don't know what to think about so many things from weird bugs to kids without pencils to battered cars puttering their way over dirt roads with six or more kids inside. It's just so goddamn rural and poor here, the poorest homeless guy I used to know on the streets in the States has more than most do here. And yet somehow it works. Somehow it doesn't matter that no one has anything, that in an increasingly globalized and techno-savvy world that years and generations pass along exactly like this and people fall in love and farm their land and make babies and get sick and go to school and on and on and on.

Yesterday morning started bad, M completely unhappy with any of our admittedly meager breakfast options (our fridge is so small it can only hold so much) so she's whining and I'm losing patience and my tone is probably bullshit when all of a sudden I hear a voice, our friend, the one I talked about in my last post is at the door. I brought you waffles she says, and she walks in with two enormous waffles still warm from her stove. I made extra and I thought you might like some and I hug her and tell her exactly how much we do and M sits happily at eats the biggest one down to the last bite. For a moment I worry she heard us arguing but I know she lives too far away for that and I realize it's just her being kind and things once again finding their way of working themselves out, the underlying current that races through so many moments here, the pulse of a community just doing what it does.

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20 comments:

maggie, dammit said...

You make me feel like I'm there. You make me feel. I can't imagine anyone else having the capacity to tell these stories the way you do.

Brooke said...

I can't imagine these things, but yet I can, through you.

Congratulations on the five months.

Omaha Mama said...

Mmmmmmmm, waffles.

I was feeling grateful that at least someone took care of the horse, I was afraid of what would happen if you just kept having to pass it day after day.

Five months is a wow. Congrats. I'm so glad you continue to write about it here.

Magpie said...

waffles and dead horses. you live a rich and full life, you.

Binky said...

Five months?!?! That statement just put time in perspective for me. Usually I'm well aware of how fast it goes, but in the past...well, five months, I guess...I haven't even had time to stop and lament it.

Your posts give me the chance to read about and appreciate a slower lifestyle. Ironically, I read fast because I just can't wait to take it ALL in.

The way you tell a story makes me want to build you a campfire so I can listen to them the old-fashioned way.

meno said...

A moment of grace, just when you needed it. I think this says it all about what you hoped to find by moving.

Anjali said...

Happy 5 months! I bet those waffles hit the spot!

Beth Smith said...

Wow. Horse tire fire...That would be hard to see.

Sounds like a eye opening place.

flutter said...

it is so much in perspective, isn't it?

QT said...

I wish I could have been there for the knock on the door and the smiles all around.

Congrats on the five months, friend. So much more awaits you.

Kim said...

I am so proud of you.

Amber said...

Happy 5 months.

Thanks so much for sharing the journey with us.

de said...

I was looking back to reference something & I couldn't believe you were there already when it was still snowing winter here. Hard to believe, indeed. The five months floated by, from where I am sitting. Imagine if I had been wide awake and living it, like you. Hmmm. Imagine that.

I look around me just about every day and attempt to draw comparisons between what I see, do, have and what most of the rest of the world experiences. Mind blowing. But calming, too. I'd hate to think that the whole world was like this - for all that we have, there is so much more that we are just missing.

Peace, woman.

kgirl said...

I was thinking about you last night; about your last post. Even though you've been totally honest, I was idealizing your new life, and today, I laughed over this post because regardless of the changes one makes for the greater good of their family and their world, kids are still gonna bitch about breakfast.

xo

PeterAtLarge said...

Such a powerful image--the dead horse, the tires, all of it going up in smoke. You leave a nagging feel for the emptiness of it all--then bring it back to a simple gesture that reminds us the love is at the heart of it. Thanks!

painted maypole said...

like you said in your last post, the neighbors look out for each other.

i feel like we've lost so much of that here.

Kyla said...

They might not have much there, but they have community, which is something we are lacking up here.

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Kelly said...

Connectedness is something to aspire to, here at home where everything and everyone is so separate and so partitioned.

Happy five months, and I'm so glad you have a wonderful friend to bring you and M that particular delight of waffles.

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