Thursday, July 02, 2009

I am here

One of the things I thought I knew but did not realize the weight of it was how disconnected I would feel from all of you. I realized nearly a month gone that I have been blogging for three years now and it's more than blogging, it's chronicling, it's sharing, it's give and take. It's Just Posts and new babies and BlogHer and travel and heartache and tears and joy and laughter and love.

You see, I consider you real friends of mine.

And here I am sweaty with jumbled Internet that sometimes works and sometimes doesn't, that crashes for no reason and that takes terribly terrifically long to load.

I read your blogs in my reader but how can you know it if you can't hear me speak? If blogs are read in the jungle do they make a sound?

They do.

But how would you know that if I can't tell you. night I spent an hour and was able to comment on just four or five blogs and I gazed at my reader like I'm about to split Cain from Abel not knowing what to do. I miss you and I miss all of you in this way, this proving I am here this standing in your cheering section this raising the roof like the littlest Who in Whoville I Am Here I Am Here I Am Here I Am Here and for some reason it feels lonelier to read about your babies and your families and your struggles and your joys without telling you I was there and I send you love across the water and I wonder if you feel it or if you think I've just stopped coming round.

I still come round but I come round different. I am different somehow here and now, me and yet not me, me yet not knowing who I am. Seems like the time a girl needs her friends the most and she can't she can't she can't let them know unless she does something like this.

She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes (when she comes) there are no six white horses but there's me and I see you and I hope you know I do.


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24 comments:

krista said...

i love the image in my head of you, the jungle, traveling stories, worlds apart.
connected by a tenuous thread that breaks on occasion, you tying knot after knot in order to pick back up where your eyes left off.
you bring us with you and you don't have to say a word.
xoxo

Omaha Mama said...

Just in case Omaha Mama is in your reader, I will go change my settings at once so you see more than half of a post. :0)
I like that image of Whoville - We are here too. We are here we are here we are here.

Magpie said...

i feel you out there, and i send big kisses to the jungle - there!

de said...

The whole thing is certainly, certainly tougher on you than on us. I hope you know that I think of you often, probably daily. Which puts you above a lot of people I'm actually related to, and stuff.

I know what you mean about the loneliness of reading without being able to cheer - I think that's what keeps me from ever being a lurker.

mayberry said...

I think we all go through seasons of being able/unable to comment, for whatever reason; friendships, good ones, can weather those changes.

xox to you way far away!

alejna said...

I'm here at your place, too. Even when I can't figure out what to write in a comment.

I consider you a real friend, too. (See how I'm assuming that I'm among those you are addressing? It would make me too sad to assume otherwise.)

I'm just so glad you are continuing to write, and that I get to share in your experiences. (But without the bugs, steamy heat, crappy appliances and other inconveniences.)

carrie said...

My blg reading (my checking in with those I also consider friends out here in this vast www) has also been falling short as of late, especially my commenting. But I hope you know I'm here too, when I can be, cheering you on.

I think when a community and a trust and a friendship is formed, and it is a noble and true one, time and distance don't matter as much as just being there. :)

slouchy said...

we know you're here.

and we think of you often, too.

big hugs.

luckyzmom said...

Well, that shoots my 'pity poor me' all to hell. Seriously, 'it's all good'. I think we all feel grateful for every tidbit that you are able to share with us and are happy to take what we can get.

Blog Antagonist said...

For me, you have always been a huge presence in the blogosphere. I find it no less so now that you are living in the jungle. I love reading about your life. And though the blogosphere is built on give and take, right now, the giving you are doing is sharing your dream with us.

meno said...

I understand how you feel. But i always know you are there.

<3

Tanis said...

We aren't so very far apart my friend. I carry you in my heart everywhere I go.

Look up at the heavens, we are staring at the same stars, the same moon.

Whether you appear on my blog or not I know you are out there, loving me and missing me as I miss you.

Soon we will have that beer together, under those stars while gazing at that moon and you will meet Knox and I will see M and tease J for his manly ways. You will laugh at Boo for his misguided political views and start a debate with him as you clink your beer bottles together and I will wander away looking at the leaves and the flowers and marvel at how our lives have once yet intersected.

Patience my friend.

You are always with me. I promise.

mamatulip said...

I know you're here and you know I'm here, too.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

We know you're here. You're always here. Comments are secondary.

marymurtz said...

Oh, this makes me love you even more, if that's even possible. I hear you, shouting from Whoville.

painted maypole said...

peekaboo

Christine said...

i've become a bona fide lurker, which makes most people think i am probably gone. but i am not, i am here basking in your light and everyone else's.

xoxo

Kim said...

I agree with the Blog Antagonist.

You don't have to worry about commenting....the giving that you are doing to our world community is so great, that we are just happy to be able to feel that we are a part of this wave that you are riding.

Jessica said...

The give and take of the community is wonderful. But, sometimes it gets away from us.....it's doing a bit of that for me now. I'm still here too, just not always posting.

hele said...

dude. i also think of you daily.

wheelsonthebus said...

it's all cool. comments are nice, but we know there are plenty of devoted readers who never comment. or sporadically, like me...

Karen Sugarpants said...

I'm here too, muffin. xo

Wayfarer Scientista said...

hey girl...and I too always come and read even though I often don't have a good enough connection to comment or even post. And I think of you and send arctic thoughts to your jungle. And to other blogger friends.

hypoglycemiagirl said...

I'm with you too (!) even though I'm less than a dilligent blogger/reader/commenter these days. Will also do as Omaha Mama. If I remember when I'm done reading my Reader backlog.