Wednesday, January 27, 2010

kung fu this

I signed M up for karate weeks ago and she's been over the top excited ever since. The class is offered at her school right after her class is over so as far as I knew it was settled, she was going from class to karate and I was going to the gym. With my mix tape.

So feeling spry and earphones in place take me down to paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty I arrive at her school and head to the room. I was excited all day knowing she was finally getting to do this. So as I'm walking in a guy comes walking out and for some reason I had a feeling this was the instructor so I say, Hey, are you the karate instructor, I'm looking for my kid. Her name is M and he stands there looking perplexed for a minute and says, oooohhh...M? Yes I say and he says Oh, wow, I had so many kids I couldn't handle them all so I left her in her class.

You what? I say and he says he's sorry and for some reason I reach over and punch Karate Guy in the arm. He looks a bit taken aback by this but you know, whatever. Look dude, M's been looking forward to this for weeks, did you at least tell her why you weren't able to take her? Um, no, he says. So I punch him in the arm again. So you just ditched her, and now I get to go pick her up and have her cry?

I'm really sorry he says. Do you want your money back? No, dude, I want you to teach my kid karate.

He looks a little sheepish. There's too many kids, he says. I can't handle them all.

What do you need to do about that, I say? I need a helper, he replies.

Fine, Karate Guy, I'll be your helper. He smiles and reaches out his hand and introduces himself and I do likewise and for a minute I decide Karate Guy is actually okay and he's also really, really cute. And I'm surprised he is actually getting this close seeing as I've already punched him twice. But he does and we settle it. I'll do this thing. Not sure what this thing is, but I'll do it anyways.

I find M and when she sees me she breaks into tears. I didn't get to go to karate! she says.

I lean down and pick her up and hug her. Dude, I know. I've already told Karate Guy how lame he is and she starts laughing. No you didn't! Oh yes, baby, I sure did and I tell her the story but I leave out the part about hitting him twice and she's happy now, especially now that she hears I'm coming to karate too. I'm not sure what I've gotten myself into, but something tells me it'll be amusing at least. And I figure I could do with learning some karate too. Maybe it'll even take away the uncontrollable urge to punch people I've just met in the arm. Twice.

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22 comments:

hgg said...

Badass! In all the good ways of the word.

deezee said...

Promise me we'll get karate updates!

Cold Spaghetti said...

Visions of the future... of a friendly, humid little village in central america... quite until a tall gringa shouts a HI-YAA! and chops the air, followed by a chorus of the same from the children surrounding her...

Cold Spaghetti said...

QUIET. Good gracious. Am I STILL hungover from Sunday?!

TZT said...

Clearly, your punching skills were impressive!

My boy has been taking a cheapo Karate class at our local rec center for the past two weeks. I sat and watched one of them.

A room full of 4-6 year olds doing Karate is beyond cute - it's STINKIN' cute. Enjoy.

alejna said...

I love that you did that. I love that you're going to do this. I just love you. You kick ass. (Now you can start kicking people in the ass that you've just met instead of punching them in the arm. Much more socially acceptable.)

Heather said...

I love that you punched him because how many times do we all want to do that in a day? And you did! Hooray!

Amber said...

I studied karate for 5 years, and was very close to earning my black belt. I have to say that arm punching is not viewed as strangely when you spend hours out of your week practicing punching. So, it's quite likely that Karate Dude wouldn't be as put out as, say, Ballet Lady, if you get my drift.

Magpie said...

Yeah, you are a badass.

de said...

LOL @ Amber.

The way that worked out was a tiny miracle.

Denguy said...

You're like, so violent, eh?

cheekyketek said...

jen! the first rule of karate: use your powers for good and not evil!

or is that fight club? I get them confused.

gwen

Pgoodness said...

you are so cool. this post made me smile from start to finish

meno said...

You only hit him twice. I admire your restraint.

Jessica said...

I so totally love you for this! Have fun, and report in!

volkan bagatur said...
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Liv said...

i'm afeared of you. but, i think i always kind of have been.

xoxo

krista said...

you are officially my hero. complete with the footloose soundtrack.

Gina said...

This is pretty much how my husband and I started coaching soccer when our son was little. Neither of us knew anything about soccer, but they had one team (the one my son was on) without a coach and they just left them hanging - it was either coach them ourselves, or he (and the rest of the team) didn't get to play.

Joker the Lurcher said...

i started going to taekwondo so my son would go. it wasn't long before i snapped my achilles tendon...

Heidi said...

You're my hero.

bgirl said...

LOVE it. maybe it was the GnR in your ears influencing your strong ways of resolving this one!